Silence of a Shadow
by Frozen Drops of Rain
Summary: “I never would have imagined that things would turn out like this...” [a story of Hiei and a misunderstood girl, Hotaru. (Allie in the earlier chapters)]
1. Those who are forgotten

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'I never thought things would turn out like this...

Living a life of lies and misguided trust...

Betraying those who had faith in me...

Betraying myself...

No more. The sorrow ends here and now, even if it kills me...'

__

Silence of a Shadow

****

Chapter one

Those who are forgotten

______________________

There are many who think they have me figured out. I'm just a nobody - a faceless youth who isn't worth a second look.

I _was _young when I started my way of life, ...only at the tender age of thirteen. My mother, who had cared for up until that time, started to realize that I was more like my father's child. Seeing this, she began to remember the hate she had for the person that I barley remembered. Their love was no more that a few months of lust, ending with my arrival. From what my grandfather told me, it was no more that a teenage mistake that was better off ended. It's not that he _disliked _my father, he just was unsatisfied by his heritage. You see, myfather's motherwas a Shade - not of this world, or the next. As far as I know, she was the only one of her kind. A true original. 

In my last few days as a sweet, innocent twelve year old, my mother began to comprehend that she could no longer keep me, afraid of what I would soon become. I can't say I blamed her. She packed my belongings into my small schoolbag and sat me on a plane heading to my father's country. Although her intentions were good, when the truth be told, she wanted me as far away from her as humanly possible. I bet that is the reason she lived in a large city in the United States, and my father resided in the outskirts of Japan. 

When I got there, I looked for any sign of a familiar face...but not one could be seen. _Mother hadn't bothered to mention my arrival._

It was then when I discovered the truth. If I wanted to survive, I'd be forced to lookout for myself. 

By the end of that long day, I had found an English-speaking family who would let me stay the night. Such generous people they were. In the morning however, I was kicked to the curb with last night's garbage. I was grateful that they at least fed me before letting me loose upon the crowded streets filled with people and signs that I couldn't understand. 

The next few nights I took refuge in parks or schoolyards, careful to vanish before any sign of daylight. I had made up my mind. I would not look for my father, nor would I return to my mother. They were both better off without me anyway. _I would wander the streets until I could find a place that welcomed me. _

It took a while. A _long _while....but I found a crummy apartment complex who's manager didn't care that I _was _only twelve. He gave me the smallest room in the building, and said I would have to work to payoff the rent. This of course was no problem, because I had convinced myself that I was no longer a child. My thirteenth birthday was only a few hours away, and there was no way I was going to allow myself to act like a naive nine or ten year old any longer. I was going to be an adult, whether I liked it or not. 

***

'Work' has more meanings than I realized. One might think it meant 'cleaning' or 'chores' but the landlord's intentions were very different. He would give me a list of things he needed, groceries and such, then tell me to go get them. He never intended me to 'pay' for any of it. I guess he thought shoplifting was an easy task, because the list was always long and the things he desired were always very expensive. 

The 'little and cute' act worked for a while, but people began to ignore me when I was forced to beg for beer or other intoxicating products. 

That's when I devised a plan: 

"Operation: Don't Get Caught." 

I would stand at the entrance of the store and categorize the shoppers as they left. The elderly or bankrupt were not to be touched, ... but the people with one or two kids, nice clothes, and a confident gaze in their eyes were fair game. I figured those were the people who could afford to loose a few of their groceries now and then. I'd wait patiently as my latest victim would stride past me...them I'd move in for the kill. 

Today's poor sap walked out incoherently, not noticing me fallowing her. "Can we have hot cocoa when we get home, mommy?" the child stumbling behind her mother asked. The mother smiled kindly. I followed closely; there was no was I was going to let them get away. 

Three steps later, I took a deep breath and trampled the middle-aged woman; her bags falling to the ground. "Oh, I'm sorry!" I said quickly, bending down to put her things back into their bags. When I got done, her bags were back in her arms and my pockets were filled with canned goods. 

A job well done.

As I got older, the jobs became more difficult. 

One night, I was told not to come back until I had over three thousand yen or something of equal value. I wandered aimlessly down the lifeless streets, trying to spot someone caring that kind of money with them. 

The dimming streetlamp flickered as I passed beneath it. This was going to be imposable.

I gave up two or three...._more like four _hours later. My head was pounding, and my vision was not helping. I leaned against a brick wall of a building and closed my eyes. _'Things will be okay, Allie.' _I told myself. '_They always are...' _

I opened my eyes ...but saw nothing. No streets, cars, deserted shops, or blinking street lamps. What was going on? Were my eyes deceiving me? 

A sharp pain filled my mind, causing me to sink to my knees. The faint sounds of life around me soon began to dull until they were no more... and the familiar taste of a natural copper liquid invaded my mouth; making me sick to my stomach. I had never felt such pain before, ...never in my entire life. It grew and grew until my body couldn't take much more....

....and I fell into a state of unconsciousness

****

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, nor will I ever. 

A\N: Ok, I know this first chapter had nothing to do with Yu Yu Hakusho, but I promise that will change with the next chapter. Please forgive any spelling or typing errors, I guess you can say that they are my weakness. I'll fix anything that I missed during the editing stage as soon as they are brought to my attention. _Please tell me what you thought, and as always, flames are more than welcomed. _


	2. Kindness of a stranger

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Silence of a Shadow

****

Chapter 2

Kindness of a stranger 

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The next morning's chatter brought ache to my mind. _I could hear voices of unknown people nearby. _My eyes slowly opened to examine my whereabouts... a small bedroom?

Unwillingly, my feet slide over the edge of the futon I was resting on, putting me in a sitting position. My dark and damp clothes were flung over a drying vent in the corner of the room, leaving me in a stranger's pajamas. 

"Damn it," I growl, putting a hand to my head. "I must have lost control again..."

The voices get louder at the ring of a shop-bell. Where was I? And why in the hell was I left alone in such a well furnished room?! I could easily make a pocket-full off some of this stuff! They must not know I'm a disaster waiting to happen...

My clothes weren't as wet as I had originally thought...this person, whoever they were, had even washed most of the blood out of them. I was ..._shocked._ Clean clothes _and _a warm bed. "Well then," I say with a sigh as I proceed to change into my own clothes, "I might as well thank the person." 

It turns out that the room was part of a house built above a restaurant. A man and woman worked tirelessly behind the counter, attending to each of their customers. I was careful to stay out sight as I caught a glimpse of a group of younger people in the corner. They looked like they were talking about something important; something my ears weren't meant to hear. I edged closer, trying to listen as one of them as they talked. It wasn't long until I was caught, however.

"Oh my gosh! Your awake!" A girl with brown hair yelped, shooting from her chair. I don't say anything... because _what_ _was there to say?_ The same girl nearly trampled her friends as she raced over to me, placing her hand on my forehead. "Looks like your fever broke." I glare and jerk away from her hand. "Please don't touch me." my weak voice murmurs. She gives me a hesitant look, then introduces herself. "How rude of me! I haven't even introduced myself yet. I'm Keiko Ukimura. This is my parent's restaurant." I sigh and bow a little. "I'm Allie." "Well, Al-li-ee, I'm glad to see your well again." My name...I had forgot it was difficult for the Japanese people to pronounce my name... "Call me Hotaru." She smiles at this. "Alright, Hotaru. Would you like to meet my friends?" She points to the table were she was sitting, the same table where six curious faces stared awkwardly in my direction. Without giving me a second to say 'no thanks', Keiko grabs my hand and hauls me to the table. 

"Hey guys, this is the girl I told you about. Hotaru." My stomach turns as she continues, "Hotaru, this is Yusuke, Botan, Yukina, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei." They each give me a friendly smile and say their hello's ...except the last one. "Its nice to meet you all." a shaken voice escaped from my throat.

The door looked so far away, ...an illusion to my eyes. Every second spent here was a second of absolute agony, I never was one to entertain a crowd. "Excuse me." My words were no more than a whisper, but they were heard throughout the room. My escape was unsuccessful, - misery to my mind. "Please, I thank you for you care, but I really must go." Pleading wouldn't work, the indigo eyed girl's hand held tightly as I tried to pull away. She smiles at me, as if I should be happy that I was the center of attention. "C'mon Hotaru, have some tea with us. We're all wondering why you passed out in front of the Ukimura's café." "Sorry, Botan, but I really don't care to explain it." 

I can't explain this feeling I'm getting from these people. Its not good nor bad, I guess it was more of a neutral feeling; the kind you get when you know someone is lying to you. The boy Keiko mentioned was Yusuke, gave me a funny look when I wouldn't explain my blackout. "Ok, don't tell us why you've been asleep for more than twenty-seven hours straight." "Yusuke!" Keiko gasped, "Don't be so rude!" My eyes drifted to my shoes. _Explanations_; something I will never do well with. 

"Where are you from?" a soft voice asked me. "Well, I'm from Japan, but I've lived most of my life in the United States with my mother and grandfather." Yukina nodded at my answer. "I've always wanted to visit the United States." "Yes, I've heard many good things about the schools there. Is your mother and grandfather somewhere nearby?" Once again I look down, unsure if I should lie or tell the truth to Kurama's question. "Actually," I say under my breath, "...Actually, I came here alone. - As a foreign exchange student." "Oh, your very lucky." he replies, "Not many students get the grades to travel." I nod. "Where are you staying?" Botan asks me, pulling my onto the chair next to her. "Good question." I say with a sigh. "My landlord kicked me out, so now I have to go find some new place that will allow my existence." "You don't have a place to stay, Hotaru?" Keiko voice asks, softly. I shake my head. "Not at the moment." "That's a problem." she said in a firm voice. I give her a questioning look as she continues. "You can't get to school if you don't have a home. I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind letting you stay here." My violet eyes widen with shock. "But, Keiko," I object, "That wouldn't be good, you don't even know me very well." Keiko, Botan, and Yukina all smiled in unison, sending a chill down my spine. "Lets go shopping!" 

* * *

By sunset, my hands were crammed full of bags. Things for school, other things for around town. Normally I would have objected to buying all this, but I didn't have to pay for one penny of it. Keiko paid for and new pair of shoes, Yukina got me an amazing lavender and silver dragonfly necklace, and Botan just kept pulling money out of her pocket to buy me anything she thought I needed. I got to know each of the girls very, _very _well... and as much as I hate to admit it, _they got to know me too. _

After a quick trip back to Keiko's house, Botan announced that we should have a welcoming slumber party in addition to our day of shopping. "A _slumber party_?" I ask, as confused ideas flooded my mind. I think Yukina was just as lost as I was, because she was giving Botan the same unsure look. "Oh, sure!" Botan smiled, "It would be so much fun! We could have Yusuke and the boys stay over until ten or so, then we can have some real fun! How about it, Keiko?" Keiko looked down as she thought, then smiled at the idea. "I'll tell my parents." 

"Sounds like Botan has something planned." Yukina whispered to me. "Is she always like this?" I ask, wondering how _anyone _could be so optimistic. "Yes, most of the time." Yukina smiled. 

__

'Well,' that voice in my head hisses, _'They look like fun. Maybe they won't mind me visiting...' _

"No!" I shout, as I clutch my stomach. "Please," I reason with myself, my voice no more than a whisper, "...please not again..."

"Hotaru?" Keiko asked, walking up to me, "Are you alright?"

I clench my eyes shut and try not to double over in pain ... it was happening again ... _it was only a matter of time _...

The bells on the door chime as four boys walk in. Instantaneously, I felt better. The double vision I was dealing with soon lifted, leaving my eyes on a black blur. It slowly began to take shape, allowing me to see the person standing a few feet away. His dark crimson eyes glared at me as I look away. _"What's with him?" _I ask myself, trying to calm my irregularly high heart beat. Slowly my breath tames, and allows me to eavesdrop on the conversation Keiko and Yusuke were having. "We had fun." Keiko said softly. "She didn't do anything odd?" Yusuke said, referring to me. I sigh and continue listening. "No, she was completely normal." Yusuke nodded, then continued. "Koenma said it might take a while for the Shade to surface again. Just make sure to keep an eye on her." Kuwabara joined them as the continued to talk. "She freaks me out. Do you know any humans with purple eyes?!" I frown and kick the floor. People _always_ refer to my eyes as demonic and hypnotizing. This once would have made me cringe, but now I see it as something that makes me truly unique...but its still annoying. 

They move in closer so my ears have trouble picking up their voices. "Darn them," I growl, trying to move closer, but ending up breaking their huddle. "Sorry!" I say quickly, "I couldn't help but wonder, were you talking about me?" Kuwabara's eyes practically leaped from their sockets at my question. "N-no! We were talking about someone from school!!" "Give it up, Kuwabara." Yusuke sighed, "She obviously knows." I nod. "Yeah. I know. But I want to know how _you_ found out." "Lets just say I have my ways." Yusuke replied, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Sure you do," I respond with a glare, "I suppose Koenma told you this?" I watch as three jaws drop. "You know about Koenma?!" I look away. "No. I just heard you talking about him... But I heard you talking abut my grandmother, the Shade." "Then I suppose you deserve to know that you take after your grandmother in almost every way." Kurama said, walking up behind me. "What makes you say that?" I ask, turning around. "Well, from what Koenma's records show, you look almost exactly like her, only a bit shorter. You have the same black and purple hair, and the same violet eyes. And those blackouts you've been having... that is the demon inside you trying to surface." 

I know this was suppose to surprise me, but for some reason, _it didn't. _"Okay. So you know I'm one-fourth demon, but what about the rest of you? I KNOW that some of you aren't fully human yourselves. What _are_ you?"

****

A\N: Well, that's the end of chapter two. I'm dedicating this chapter to those who have taken the time to review, your opinions are always valued. I decided that Hotaru would be a bit older in this, so naturally, (like any teen that has lived on the streets) she will have a bit of an attitude. 

Please forgive any of my spelling and typing errors. 

(the disclaimer is in chapter one)


	3. School days

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Silence of a Shadow

****

Chapter 3

School days

__________________

Three full months.

They didn't trust me enough to share their secret.

__

But I knew. 

Keiko has been treating me like family ... I'm not sure how to react. _She's so kind to me, _...allowing me to stay in her home, keeping my stomach from feeling that familiar ache due to hunger, allowing me to be present when she had her friends over... 

It's odd.

I think she's worried that I might feel like an outsider, so she instantly adopted me as one of her own "good" friends.   
  
She's wrong though. I know whenever I'm not around, she secretly fears that I might forget her kindness and let Shade take over again. ...The same goes for the rest of her friends. They're always keeping an eye on me, like I'm some kind of fugitive. 

__

...The lost little shadow...

They look at me with such pity and sadness, _and I hate it. _No matter what I do, how normal I try to act, they cannot see me for what I truly am. I am no more than a china-doll about to crack and break under the stress of a normal life; and that is when my apocalypse will set in.   
  
_Or so they say._  


I believe with time, I could control this beast. It has even proven helpful the few times when no-one was around to "rescue" me. ...I remember one time in particular... during the lunch recess... when not even one of them was around to discipline my stalkers.

* * *

__

They were taller than me, I remember that quite well. I suppose they were the latest group of goons trying to prove their strength and fearlessness by pushing me over the edge. 

It took them very little time to have me completely surrounded, each of them moving closer and closer. Their leader smiled at me; telling me what a 'cute little thing' I was. 

The bastard. 

Within a second, my arms were pinned behind me, and one of them was pushing me forward, towards their beastly leader. 

His breath smelled like spoiled milk, rolling from the depths of his throat as his smile grew wider.   
  
Naturally, a look of fear flooded my eyes and I whimpered; but not because I was afraid of the menacing boys, but because...

She was back.

__

My stomach turned and my head throbbed as the boys drew closer...

And before I could scream "No, no, NO!" I was long gone, and everything went dark. 

The next day, I found out that all of the same boys had been sent to the hospital wing of the school; all complaining of blacking out, illness, and memory loss.   
  
I had won.

* * *

That day seemed like a small victory, but I cherished it all the same. I had almost expected Yusuke or Kuwabara to come running in and save the day; but it was weeks before I found out who true hero was.

He stood silent in the shadows of a nearby tree; his crimson eyes turning dark with rage... 

Up until that darkened day, I was sure Hiei did not care for my survival. I can't say I blame him; I had given up _years _ago. 

But he stood watching, _waiting for that moment..._

...and all that time...

...I didn't know...

A\N: Okay, I know that this is a short chapter, but I wanted to get it up anyway. Please tell me what you thought! (yes, good or bad)   
  
The disclaimer was in chapter one, and please forgive any spelling or typing errors. I'll fix them as soon as they are brought to my attention. 

please review! 


	4. Wind

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Such cruel words they say,  
and yet they don't seem to care...  
and now I realize that I am nothing...  
so leave me to my despair,   
and don't look back,  
because I am not here...  
  
* * * _  
  
Silence of a Shadow  
  
**Chapter 4  
  
**_Wind   
______________________  
  
  
"Excuse me, miss. Can you reheat this tea for me? It seems to have gotten cold."   
  
"Of course, ma'am."   
  
It had been about a week since I started working at the Ukimura's restraint. They didn't say I _had _to, of course, but at least I wouldn't be living off them for free anymore.   
  
* * *  
  
School is something that I've now learned to love, despite all the bothersome teasing. As long as I can ignore it, everything is fine. I don't have friends, ..._except Keiko, of course; _nor do I plan on making any. Mother always said it is better to stand alone and not cause harm, rather than to spread mayhem upon the people you care about.   
  
_And so I shall leave the rest of mankind to their lives.   
  
_* * *  
  
By nightfall, I had completed my chores and proceeded to my room. I purposely removed all the Ukimura's belongings a while back, just so I wasn't tempted to "use" them for money. Seeing no point in wearing my work clothes for the remainder of the evening, I disposed of my purple kimono and slipped into my favorite black dress.   
  
I didn't feel so well - all sounds were slowly beginning to soften and disappear. Although this was becoming normal, I still decided to take refuge on the far end of my futon.   
  
The sound of wind terrorizing the night's sky was the only thing my ears would allow me to hear, _so I listened as carefully as I could.  
  
_So many people don't know the true beauty of the wind, ...its _delicate_ kisses and its harsh, _icy _touch.   
  
It reminds me of myself.  
  
...and the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.  
  
_I _don't really have a home. _  
  
...moving constantly without a destination.  
  
_I can work easily with others, as long as they don't know.  
  
..._as does wind help snow or rain.   
_

Know and care for me...  
  
_...and I am the gentle summer's breeze.  
  
_Taunt or betray me...  
  
_...and my wrath will leave you in a void.  
  
..._butI am nothing...  
  
..._invisible to the eye...  
  
*  
  
_"Hotaru?"   
  
Instantly, I pull myself from my daydream. "Yes, Keiko?"   
  
"I was just wondering if you wanted to come with us for a bit. Yusuke and the others are here, and we were hoping to discuss your '_situation'_ ."  
  
My stomach turns. "No thanks, I'm feeling a little under the weather."   
  
"Are you sure?" she continues, "We were going to a movie afterwards. My treat."   
  
_Cringe-shiver-shiver-cringe  
  
_"No thank you." I say flatly. "I really don't want to get sick."   
  
"....alright. My parents are in the next room, if you need anything."  
  
_And she's gone.  
  
_My head spins as I try to control my anger.   
  
_"SITUATION?!" _I scream within myself. "I _knew _they wanted something from me! ...I haven't lost it _once _since I've been here! And she said that like I loose control every day!"   
  
By now, my hot tears are flowing freely; stinging harshly as they fall...  
  
"...its just not fair..." I sniffle aloud. "...why don't they trust me?"   
  
**A\N: **I'm already working on the next chapter ... I think you'll be pleased with it. Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought! Your opinions are always valued.   
  
The disclaimer is in chapter one, and I will fix any spelling\typing errors as they catch my attention, so please forgive them for now. _  
  
  
  
  
  
_  



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